City investigates explores the stigma and isolation that many dads face.
Anna Tetlow and Rosie Dowsing
09:59 BST
Thursday 16/05/2019
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It’s no secret that men can struggle with speaking out about their feelings- and when it comes to fatherhood this is still very much the case.
With almost no paternal mental health services, few paternity leave options fatherhood can be a very lonely place.
We wanted to investigate the stigma and isolation that many dads face.
Earlier this year, MP Tracey Crouch held a debate addressing the issue of loneliness in fathers.
For once, this seemed to be an issue that garnered cross-party support, with many male MPs standing up to share their own experiences of fatherhood.
“You do miss quite a lot of it as a working dad”
Despite this, little seems to have been done to change the isolation that fathers face in the early years of parenthood.
We went to speak to dads face-to-face about their own experiences of fatherhood, paternity leave and mental health.
John, from Buckinghamshire, has a two-year-old son. Like most dads, he was given two weeks of paternity leave.
But, when his wife suffered a traumatic birth, most of that time was spent holding the fort at home.
It gave him little opportunity to bond with his new baby. John told us about those difficult first weeks:
“Becky was in and out of hospital, so that was tough. And then he comes, and your world gets turned upside down.
“You find yourself looking back at pictures of the baby to get you through the day. And you might phone your wife and she doesn’t answer and you start panicking- you find yourself on edge for the first few weeks because it’s so new.
“You do miss quite a lot of it as a working dad”.
Dope Black Dads
Whilst there are many mother and baby groups offering support to new mums, there seems to be a real lack of resources for dads.
However, our research into grassroots organisations did bring to our attention one particularly interesting support group for fathers- Dope Black Dads.
This is a group aimed at challenging racial stereotypes surrounding fatherhood, as well as providing a valuable support network for dads.
We met Tope, who relied on the group for advice and support in the lead up to the birth of his first child.
“We’re a community of black men who are saying we are fathers, we are here, and we’re trying to make the best of our situation. Whether that be that you’re married, in a relationship or separated. But we’re all here to be there for our children.
Tope, Dad
“I think there has to be mental support for men- yes we don’t talk, but sometimes we do. So we need to create the environment for men to talk, where they feel like it’s a safe space.
“That will provide a healthy balance, where the woman is being taken care of, but the man is as well. So many men just suffer in silence”.
Community is crucial
Support groups like this are essential; the biggest killer of men under the age of 50 is suicide – and it’s likely that many of those are fathers.
A community of this kind is therefore vital in the fight against the stigma surrounding male mental health.
But, things are beginning to change.
Mental health campaigner Mark Williams has recently founded “International Fathers Mental Health Day”.
After experiencing PTSD and depression in the wake of his wife’s traumatic birth, he wants to tackle the very real issue of paternal mental health head on.
“The loneliest time in my life was going through depression with my son and my wife, because I couldn’t tell anyone.
Mental health campaigner Mark Williams
“My wife had an emergency C section, and I had my first panic attack thinking my wife and baby was going to die. As you know now, that’s PTSD- either witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event.
“The world health organisation doesn’t recommend screening fathers for mental health, and with over half a million male suicides each year worldwide that’s shocking
“We’ve got to have a more holistic approach, because supporting both parents means a far better outcome for the child”.
Mark’s anxiety and depression was made worse by loneliness. As a man and a father, he felt he couldn’t tell anyone. But he wasn’t alone.
In fact, one-in-ten fathers suffer depression during the pregnancy period, and dads are 25% more likely to suffer it if their partner also has postnatal depression.
As of 2019, the NHS have pledged to provide support for partners of mental health sufferers.
But is this enough? Or is there more that government, and society can do to raise awareness and challenge stigma.
MP involvement
Tracey Crouch, who first led the debate in Parliament about fathers, is also a former minister for loneliness.
“It was easier for me as a woman to raise the issue, because many fathers would feel guilty about raising it because there are still so many maternity issues to deal with.
Tracey Crouch MP
“I think fathers often feel isolated because they’re afraid to ask for help. We need to make sure there are the right groups and technology out there to support fathers.
“Society needs to change its attitudes towards fathers, and recognise that we shouldn’t consider a father as a bit role of bringing up a child.”
In the majority of cases, parenting is about a partnership. Our NHS might be stretched to the limit, but there are some simple solutions.
Testing dads for mental health, social networking, and community support, to name a few.
Hopefully, more will be done in the coming years to combat loneliness in fathers, but ensuring men feel comfortable in talking about their feelings is the first vital step to be made.
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Standfirst
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HeadlineCity Investigates: The loneliness of new dads
Short HeadlineCity Investigates: The loneliness of new dads
StandfirstCity investigates explores the stigma and isolation that many dads face.
It’s no secret that men can struggle with speaking out about their feelings- and when it comes to fatherhood this is still very much the case.
With almost no paternal mental health services, few paternity leave options fatherhood can be a very lonely place.
We wanted to investigate the stigma and isolation that many dads face.
Earlier this year, MP Tracey Crouch held a debate addressing the issue of loneliness in fathers.
For once, this seemed to be an issue that garnered cross-party support, with many male MPs standing up to share their own experiences of fatherhood.
“You do miss quite a lot of it as a working dad”
Despite this, little seems to have been done to change the isolation that fathers face in the early years of parenthood.
We went to speak to dads face-to-face about their own experiences of fatherhood, paternity leave and mental health.
John, from Buckinghamshire, has a two-year-old son. Like most dads, he was given two weeks of paternity leave.
But, when his wife suffered a traumatic birth, most of that time was spent holding the fort at home.
It gave him little opportunity to bond with his new baby. John told us about those difficult first weeks:
“Becky was in and out of hospital, so that was tough. And then he comes, and your world gets turned upside down.
“You find yourself looking back at pictures of the baby to get you through the day. And you might phone your wife and she doesn’t answer and you start panicking- you find yourself on edge for the first few weeks because it’s so new.
“You do miss quite a lot of it as a working dad”.
Dope Black Dads
Whilst there are many mother and baby groups offering support to new mums, there seems to be a real lack of resources for dads.
However, our research into grassroots organisations did bring to our attention one particularly interesting support group for fathers- Dope Black Dads.
This is a group aimed at challenging racial stereotypes surrounding fatherhood, as well as providing a valuable support network for dads.
We met Tope, who relied on the group for advice and support in the lead up to the birth of his first child.
“We’re a community of black men who are saying we are fathers, we are here, and we’re trying to make the best of our situation. Whether that be that you’re married, in a relationship or separated. But we’re all here to be there for our children.
Tope, Dad
“I think there has to be mental support for men- yes we don’t talk, but sometimes we do. So we need to create the environment for men to talk, where they feel like it’s a safe space.
“That will provide a healthy balance, where the woman is being taken care of, but the man is as well. So many men just suffer in silence”.
Community is crucial
Support groups like this are essential; the biggest killer of men under the age of 50 is suicide – and it’s likely that many of those are fathers.
A community of this kind is therefore vital in the fight against the stigma surrounding male mental health.
But, things are beginning to change.
Mental health campaigner Mark Williams has recently founded “International Fathers Mental Health Day”.
After experiencing PTSD and depression in the wake of his wife’s traumatic birth, he wants to tackle the very real issue of paternal mental health head on.
“The loneliest time in my life was going through depression with my son and my wife, because I couldn’t tell anyone.
Mental health campaigner Mark Williams
“My wife had an emergency C section, and I had my first panic attack thinking my wife and baby was going to die. As you know now, that’s PTSD- either witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event.
“The world health organisation doesn’t recommend screening fathers for mental health, and with over half a million male suicides each year worldwide that’s shocking
“We’ve got to have a more holistic approach, because supporting both parents means a far better outcome for the child”.
Mark’s anxiety and depression was made worse by loneliness. As a man and a father, he felt he couldn’t tell anyone. But he wasn’t alone.
In fact, one-in-ten fathers suffer depression during the pregnancy period, and dads are 25% more likely to suffer it if their partner also has postnatal depression.
As of 2019, the NHS have pledged to provide support for partners of mental health sufferers.
But is this enough? Or is there more that government, and society can do to raise awareness and challenge stigma.
MP involvement
Tracey Crouch, who first led the debate in Parliament about fathers, is also a former minister for loneliness.
“It was easier for me as a woman to raise the issue, because many fathers would feel guilty about raising it because there are still so many maternity issues to deal with.
Tracey Crouch MP
“I think fathers often feel isolated because they’re afraid to ask for help. We need to make sure there are the right groups and technology out there to support fathers.
“Society needs to change its attitudes towards fathers, and recognise that we shouldn’t consider a father as a bit role of bringing up a child.”
In the majority of cases, parenting is about a partnership. Our NHS might be stretched to the limit, but there are some simple solutions.
Testing dads for mental health, social networking, and community support, to name a few.
Hopefully, more will be done in the coming years to combat loneliness in fathers, but ensuring men feel comfortable in talking about their feelings is the first vital step to be made.
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