Miffy is a “femcel”. The term stands for “involuntary celibate”, and is one that she coined following intense pessimism towards heterosexual relationships. But what is a femcel? And why is there now such a divide within the community?
Taking on the femcel identity is something that Miffy did with certainty. She tells City News that the online community is one she has found solace in.
“It was one of the first places that I saw women speak about things that I hadn’t seen women talk about in mainstream media”, she tells us.
“How they talked about being afraid of men or being deeply insecure. Women put on a polished persona on the internet, but because it was anonymous people could be more honest.”
Miffy is one of many who found comfort in sharing her feelings with others online.
This led to Miffy confiding in women within these online groups, on Reddit and other platforms.
“I was very isolated and lonely and socially awkward and found a lot of comfort in those places.”
Miffy, self-identified femcel
Being anonymous, these individuals could share their concerns in a world full of beauty standards that they felt they could not adhere to.
The conception of ‘femcels’
What’s fascinating is the origin of the word. ‘Femcel’ derives from the term incel, one that was initally created by a woman, Alanah, but was soon claimed by men.
Maddie Bobo, a femcel researcher, explains that “these women were not accepted. In their online dating communities, outside dating communities, incel groups which were mainly men. They were ostracised from incel groups.”
And creating the term femcels was their response. But while the community has been a place of comfort for those like Miffy, it has recently experienced a shift onto social media. This shift has caused a stir amongst gender studies experts and femcels.
Societal ‘pills’
In incel communities, the type of ‘pill’ you take determines how you see the world around you.
The idea stemmed from the film ‘The Matrix’
The pink pill applies to femcels – essentially a femcel equivalent of the red pill.
Feminist media researcher and professor, Dr Jilly Kay describes it as seeing “life as inherently unfair and the desolate idea that your life chances are significantly determined by your genetic inheritance”.
An uncertain shift
Dr Kate Gilchrist is a professor of gender studies at LSE. She believes that the use of social media platforms such as TikTok suggests an “embracing” of the label. Rather than remain anonymised, by creating something that is “much more individualised”, Kate suggests that this is “empowering”.
However for Miffy, this isn’t the case. “This whole community of social reject-women have now had their name stolen by these conventionally attractive women, who aren’t really experiencing the same kind of societal isolation.”
She mentions other concerns she has found through witnessing this shift.
“I felt like the book Lolita came up so many times which is insane, because I feel like people wildly misunderstand that book. If you talked about that book on an actual femcel forum, the reaction would be very different. I found especially on the Pink Pill, people were horrified. The new-age femcel put a lot of emphasis on infantilisation and not understanding what Lolita was about.”
A hopeful future
While this shift has caused divisions, there remains a strong unity within the community. For older women who identify with the term, it is one they caution others from taking on lightly.
“They were trying to keep these younger women away because they’re like ‘this isn’t an aesthetic, this is my life, I’m alone and I’m miserable and it doesn’t seem like there’s anything I can do.'”, Maddie tells us.
“It’s really impacted them, it’s affected their lives in great ways and they’re at a point of desperation”
Maddie Bobo, Femcel researcher
And for others like Miffy, romantic relationships remain possible.
“Eight months ago, my best friend started living with me. And we ended up starting to date because we were just already like inseparable. But if it wasn’t for her, I don’t think I would have really had an interest in dating anyone else. Because she was the only person I liked spending time around and no one else that I’d rather be with.”
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Standfirst
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HeadlineFemcels: the online community facing a divisive social media shift
Short HeadlineFemcels: the online community facing a divisive social media shift
StandfirstThe largely anonymous online community has been a safe space for women, City News looks at what its move to social media could mean
Miffy is a “femcel”. The term stands for “involuntary celibate”, and is one that she coined following intense pessimism towards heterosexual relationships. But what is a femcel? And why is there now such a divide within the community?
Taking on the femcel identity is something that Miffy did with certainty. She tells City News that the online community is one she has found solace in.
“It was one of the first places that I saw women speak about things that I hadn’t seen women talk about in mainstream media”, she tells us.
“How they talked about being afraid of men or being deeply insecure. Women put on a polished persona on the internet, but because it was anonymous people could be more honest.”
Miffy is one of many who found comfort in sharing her feelings with others online.
This led to Miffy confiding in women within these online groups, on Reddit and other platforms.
“I was very isolated and lonely and socially awkward and found a lot of comfort in those places.”
Miffy, self-identified femcel
Being anonymous, these individuals could share their concerns in a world full of beauty standards that they felt they could not adhere to.
The conception of ‘femcels’
What’s fascinating is the origin of the word. ‘Femcel’ derives from the term incel, one that was initally created by a woman, Alanah, but was soon claimed by men.
Maddie Bobo, a femcel researcher, explains that “these women were not accepted. In their online dating communities, outside dating communities, incel groups which were mainly men. They were ostracised from incel groups.”
And creating the term femcels was their response. But while the community has been a place of comfort for those like Miffy, it has recently experienced a shift onto social media. This shift has caused a stir amongst gender studies experts and femcels.
Societal ‘pills’
In incel communities, the type of ‘pill’ you take determines how you see the world around you.
The idea stemmed from the film ‘The Matrix’
The pink pill applies to femcels – essentially a femcel equivalent of the red pill.
Feminist media researcher and professor, Dr Jilly Kay describes it as seeing “life as inherently unfair and the desolate idea that your life chances are significantly determined by your genetic inheritance”.
An uncertain shift
Dr Kate Gilchrist is a professor of gender studies at LSE. She believes that the use of social media platforms such as TikTok suggests an “embracing” of the label. Rather than remain anonymised, by creating something that is “much more individualised”, Kate suggests that this is “empowering”.
However for Miffy, this isn’t the case. “This whole community of social reject-women have now had their name stolen by these conventionally attractive women, who aren’t really experiencing the same kind of societal isolation.”
She mentions other concerns she has found through witnessing this shift.
“I felt like the book Lolita came up so many times which is insane, because I feel like people wildly misunderstand that book. If you talked about that book on an actual femcel forum, the reaction would be very different. I found especially on the Pink Pill, people were horrified. The new-age femcel put a lot of emphasis on infantilisation and not understanding what Lolita was about.”
A hopeful future
While this shift has caused divisions, there remains a strong unity within the community. For older women who identify with the term, it is one they caution others from taking on lightly.
“They were trying to keep these younger women away because they’re like ‘this isn’t an aesthetic, this is my life, I’m alone and I’m miserable and it doesn’t seem like there’s anything I can do.'”, Maddie tells us.
“It’s really impacted them, it’s affected their lives in great ways and they’re at a point of desperation”
Maddie Bobo, Femcel researcher
And for others like Miffy, romantic relationships remain possible.
“Eight months ago, my best friend started living with me. And we ended up starting to date because we were just already like inseparable. But if it wasn’t for her, I don’t think I would have really had an interest in dating anyone else. Because she was the only person I liked spending time around and no one else that I’d rather be with.”
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