“It’s everywhere, it’s promoted, it’s commercial. You can’t walk into a supermarket without being reminded, “Stephanie says.
Festive adverts, shop displays, the queues of people buying for gatherings she won’t be part of. It doesn’t simply remind her she’ll be spending Christmas by herself. Instead, it points to why she’ll be alone.
For Stephanie, the lead-up to Christmas is a challenge. Estranged from her family, the 25-year-old has spent several Decembers learning how to navigate the festive season on her own. “There’s a lot of grief involved, which I don’t think we often talk about,” she explains.
Stephanie says people often assume young adults cope better.
“People think I’ll be fine at Christmas. It’s this blasé assumption that I’m young, so I’ll be okay.”
Last year, while juggling five different pub jobs alongside her studies, she was far from okay.
“The last few Christmases have felt so lonely because in us all is an inner child, asking: Why can’t I be loved and appreciated this Christmas like everybody else?”
PhD student Stephanie has spent several Christmases on her own. Credit: Stephanie Pearl
In the middle of London’s festive rush, a growing number of young adults are preparing for a solo Christmas. A report by the Policy Institute at King’s College London found that 9% of 21- to 34-year-olds said they spent last Christmas alone – up from just 1% in 1969. It is the sharpest rise of any age group.
The Reality Behind the Numbers
For many young adults, such as Stephanie, the season and the societal expectations surrounding it come with immense pressures.
Professor Andrea Wigfield, director of the Centre for Loneliness Studies at Sheffield Hallam University says this sense of dissonance, between the season’s promise and personal reality, can aggravate a feeling of loneliness. And according to her, young adults aged 18 to 24 are now the most vulnerable age group to be affected by loneliness.
“There’s always an expectation that it’s mostly older people who are on their own at Christmas, but that’s not necessarily true, especially now that young people travel and move away from home much more than they did in the past,” Prof. Wigfield adds.
Ayla Mammadova from the West Central London Mind branch stresses that social comparison plays a significant role in loneliness.
“Comparison is a thief of joy,” she says, pointing to social media posts and festive adverts as constant reminders of “happy, perfect families… Many have families who live abroad or are not close with their families so the reminders of ‘Christmas’ and the broken bonds bring the pain to the surface.”
Stephanie switches off her social apps on Christmas for that very reason.
“If I could turn the apps off for the full month of December, I really would”, she says.
While friends and her partner encourage her not to spend the day on her own, joining someone else’s family festivities would feel overwhelming.
“It would be like a death trap to me. If you put an extra pie out on the dinner tray to include me, I might burst out crying because I feel included in a family dynamic, which is unnatural to me.”
She knows her friends mean well, but wishes society would show more acceptance and empathy for her situation.
Stephanie spent one Christmas DJ-ing to herself for eight hours. Credit: Stephanie Pearl
Where to Go for Support
Magnus, the branch communications lead for Central London Samaritans, has been a volunteer for 16 years. From his experience with call-ins, he knows Christmas can intensify already existing feelings.
“Often it is isolation or loneliness, sometimes it is grief” Magnus says.
Last year, 1,300 Samaritan volunteers answered 7,000 calls on Christmas Day. Stephanie was one of those 7,000 calls.
The aim of those conversations, Magnus says, is not to give advice but to listen.
“It’s all about meeting people where they are. Being able to just talk about how they’re feeling in an environment that is non-judgmental, even half an hour can make a real difference”, he says.
It did for Stephanie. After the call, she felt less alone and ended up spending the afternoon cycling around London. “I think cycling around the city on Christmas Day can be quite magical. I was surprised by how many people were on a walk. The beauty of living in London is that of course, not everybody celebrates Christmas.’’
Reframing the Meaning of Christmas
Stephanie has learned to reclaim the day on her terms. “This year I’ve learned that I don’t have to be a Grinch to not necessarily believe in Christmas’’, she says. She finds the anticipation of the weeks-long lead-up to Christmas is often worse than the day itself, anyway. “The day is a respite from this buildup. I’m choosing to spend it on my own and it feels like this year is the first time I’m confident in my choice to spend Christmas completely on my own.”
Emma will spend Christmas alone in London this year Credit: Emma Morehouse
Not every young person in London experiences Christmas alone in the same way. Emma, 31, originally from the US, moved to London in September. She has chosen to spend Christmas by herself because flights home are too expensive.
Spending Christmas alone isn’t new to her, she’s done it once before and to her, it is one of the compromises of living in a different country.
She remembers feeling a little sad after seeing other people’s festive posts online, but that passed quickly. Now, she looks forward to her upcoming solo Christmas.
“It’s just a day. And I can make this day all about me. I’ll probably treat myself either to a nice meal and a film or I’ll go for a walk in central London, see the lights and get a meal in China Town.”
The one thing that frustrates her: People pitying her when they find out about her spending Christmas on her own.
I’m fine. It doesn’t really make me sad or lonely. But I think it’s also important to be cautious of who you’re saying that to and why, because you just don’t know someone’s circumstances .
Professor Wigfield says the distinction between choice and circumstance matters.
“If you actually choose to be alone at Christmas, I don’t see that that’s going to lead to loneliness. It’s when you may be forced to be alone but don’t want to be. And actually, some people might be surrounded by family and they may still feel lonely.”
For those struggling this Christmas, Samaritans can be reached at 116 123, and the Central London branch at Salisbury Place, Marylebone offers face-to-face drop-ins.
You can access further support materials from the West Central London Mind branch.
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HeadlineAlone on Christmas: The Hidden Struggle of London’s Young Adults
Short HeadlineThe Young Londoners Who Spend Christmas Alone
StandfirstThe festive season is highlighting loneliness among young Londoners this Christmas
“It’s everywhere, it’s promoted, it’s commercial. You can’t walk into a supermarket without being reminded, “Stephanie says.
Festive adverts, shop displays, the queues of people buying for gatherings she won’t be part of. It doesn’t simply remind her she’ll be spending Christmas by herself. Instead, it points to why she’ll be alone.
For Stephanie, the lead-up to Christmas is a challenge. Estranged from her family, the 25-year-old has spent several Decembers learning how to navigate the festive season on her own. “There’s a lot of grief involved, which I don’t think we often talk about,” she explains.
Stephanie says people often assume young adults cope better.
“People think I’ll be fine at Christmas. It’s this blasé assumption that I’m young, so I’ll be okay.”
Last year, while juggling five different pub jobs alongside her studies, she was far from okay.
“The last few Christmases have felt so lonely because in us all is an inner child, asking: Why can’t I be loved and appreciated this Christmas like everybody else?”
PhD student Stephanie has spent several Christmases on her own. Credit: Stephanie Pearl
In the middle of London’s festive rush, a growing number of young adults are preparing for a solo Christmas. A report by the Policy Institute at King’s College London found that 9% of 21- to 34-year-olds said they spent last Christmas alone – up from just 1% in 1969. It is the sharpest rise of any age group.
The Reality Behind the Numbers
For many young adults, such as Stephanie, the season and the societal expectations surrounding it come with immense pressures.
Professor Andrea Wigfield, director of the Centre for Loneliness Studies at Sheffield Hallam University says this sense of dissonance, between the season’s promise and personal reality, can aggravate a feeling of loneliness. And according to her, young adults aged 18 to 24 are now the most vulnerable age group to be affected by loneliness.
“There’s always an expectation that it’s mostly older people who are on their own at Christmas, but that’s not necessarily true, especially now that young people travel and move away from home much more than they did in the past,” Prof. Wigfield adds.
Ayla Mammadova from the West Central London Mind branch stresses that social comparison plays a significant role in loneliness.
“Comparison is a thief of joy,” she says, pointing to social media posts and festive adverts as constant reminders of “happy, perfect families… Many have families who live abroad or are not close with their families so the reminders of ‘Christmas’ and the broken bonds bring the pain to the surface.”
Stephanie switches off her social apps on Christmas for that very reason.
“If I could turn the apps off for the full month of December, I really would”, she says.
While friends and her partner encourage her not to spend the day on her own, joining someone else’s family festivities would feel overwhelming.
“It would be like a death trap to me. If you put an extra pie out on the dinner tray to include me, I might burst out crying because I feel included in a family dynamic, which is unnatural to me.”
She knows her friends mean well, but wishes society would show more acceptance and empathy for her situation.
Stephanie spent one Christmas DJ-ing to herself for eight hours. Credit: Stephanie Pearl
Where to Go for Support
Magnus, the branch communications lead for Central London Samaritans, has been a volunteer for 16 years. From his experience with call-ins, he knows Christmas can intensify already existing feelings.
“Often it is isolation or loneliness, sometimes it is grief” Magnus says.
Last year, 1,300 Samaritan volunteers answered 7,000 calls on Christmas Day. Stephanie was one of those 7,000 calls.
The aim of those conversations, Magnus says, is not to give advice but to listen.
“It’s all about meeting people where they are. Being able to just talk about how they’re feeling in an environment that is non-judgmental, even half an hour can make a real difference”, he says.
It did for Stephanie. After the call, she felt less alone and ended up spending the afternoon cycling around London. “I think cycling around the city on Christmas Day can be quite magical. I was surprised by how many people were on a walk. The beauty of living in London is that of course, not everybody celebrates Christmas.’’
Reframing the Meaning of Christmas
Stephanie has learned to reclaim the day on her terms. “This year I’ve learned that I don’t have to be a Grinch to not necessarily believe in Christmas’’, she says. She finds the anticipation of the weeks-long lead-up to Christmas is often worse than the day itself, anyway. “The day is a respite from this buildup. I’m choosing to spend it on my own and it feels like this year is the first time I’m confident in my choice to spend Christmas completely on my own.”
Emma will spend Christmas alone in London this year Credit: Emma Morehouse
Not every young person in London experiences Christmas alone in the same way. Emma, 31, originally from the US, moved to London in September. She has chosen to spend Christmas by herself because flights home are too expensive.
Spending Christmas alone isn’t new to her, she’s done it once before and to her, it is one of the compromises of living in a different country.
She remembers feeling a little sad after seeing other people’s festive posts online, but that passed quickly. Now, she looks forward to her upcoming solo Christmas.
“It’s just a day. And I can make this day all about me. I’ll probably treat myself either to a nice meal and a film or I’ll go for a walk in central London, see the lights and get a meal in China Town.”
The one thing that frustrates her: People pitying her when they find out about her spending Christmas on her own.
I’m fine. It doesn’t really make me sad or lonely. But I think it’s also important to be cautious of who you’re saying that to and why, because you just don’t know someone’s circumstances .
Professor Wigfield says the distinction between choice and circumstance matters.
“If you actually choose to be alone at Christmas, I don’t see that that’s going to lead to loneliness. It’s when you may be forced to be alone but don’t want to be. And actually, some people might be surrounded by family and they may still feel lonely.”
For those struggling this Christmas, Samaritans can be reached at 116 123, and the Central London branch at Salisbury Place, Marylebone offers face-to-face drop-ins.
You can access further support materials from the West Central London Mind branch.
