It’s official! London has the lowest sex drive in the UK. The average amount Londoners ‘get freaky’ in the capital is just 4.5 times a month. London’s sex scene is in crisis, but why?
With a population of 9 million there’s plenty of fish in the sea (or at the very least, the Thames). But according to relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam this is exactly the issue. There’s too much choice, too many apps and too many expectations.
“It’s much more complicated and therefore much more disappointing. We’re being more picky but are becoming more disillusioned.”
Too much choice
Quilliam says Londoners are trapped in a toxic cycle of using sex as an entryway to affection. And in a multicultural City it’s likely expectations don’t match up. This means disappointing and short relationships.
“You can go out tomorrow and have as much sex as you want, and this creates a sense of boredom. You can work your way through an awful amount of partners which creates more capacity for bad experiences.”
The grass is always greener (or less green when the morning rolls around). Repeated ‘hangxiety’ after an unfulfilling sexual experience is leading Londoners to avoid sex altogether.
The cost of sex
Money plays a part, especially for young people. There’s a ‘cost of shagging crisis’. Young Londoners are living at home which hinders their sex life and don’t have the cash to spend on dates.
“We don’t all have infinite amounts of money. I would rather spend it on going out with my friends.”
A couple after a disappointing experience
Dating apps: useful or cringe?
Men and women view sexual opportunity differently across the capital. To test this, City News asked 50 Londoners. 59%, mostly men, said it wasn’t hard to have sex in London.
Women think the traditional way of meeting someone is dying, but are hesitant to use dating apps. They view the apps as unsafe or ‘cringe’ and admitted their standards rise as they get older financially, emotionally and socially. Susan says this search for perfection or ‘the one’ within such a huge dating pool creates disappointment.
A 24 year-old woman said “I would go out every ‘thirsty’ Thursday. It’s not young, fun and vibrant, the way everyone describes it. The only people that would approach me and my mates is older people.”
She added “The people that I find on those apps are not my cup of tea. They are so cringe. I think in terms of dating meeting a person is what makes you have an attraction.”
Man scrolling on dating app Tinder
Similarly, a 22 year-old woman told City News it makes her feel “sick” to be judged purely on her appearance. She does not use dating apps.
A male Londoner in his twenties says that men who approach women in the traditional way are a “dying breed”.
“Obviously there’s a risk you could get rejected. And I think this is the biggest fear for men. No one likes losing.”
The men polled are happier using dating apps and say the apps play a successful part in their sex lives.
Many men use a dating app called Feeld, on which users list their sexual preferences and kinks. “People are bored now of Tinder and Hinge. Once in a blue moon I’ll put that I literally want sex, other times friends with benefits.”
A man in his mid twenties said “It’s very much about being transparent and I think people in London are transparent.”
Borough to Borough difference
One young male living in Clapham thinks the capital isn’t just one dating scene and that it changes borough to borough.
“I think Clapham’s like a weird little microclimate of dating and having sex, because its got massive nightlife. You’ve got nightlife pretty much every night of the week.”
Night out in London
He added that often these one night stands never lead to anything more. “Saying that, if you have a big, messy night out and go back with someone you’re probably not going to follow up the next day.”
So, maybe we all need to relocate to Clapham.
Night out anyone?
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Headline
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Standfirst
Published Article
HeadlineNo Sex and the City: London’s low sex drive
Short Headline'In London there's too much choice that you end up with nothing'
StandfirstDisappointing experiences and a 'cost of shagging' crisis has hit London hard
It’s official! London has the lowest sex drive in the UK. The average amount Londoners ‘get freaky’ in the capital is just 4.5 times a month. London’s sex scene is in crisis, but why?
With a population of 9 million there’s plenty of fish in the sea (or at the very least, the Thames). But according to relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam this is exactly the issue. There’s too much choice, too many apps and too many expectations.
“It’s much more complicated and therefore much more disappointing. We’re being more picky but are becoming more disillusioned.”
Too much choice
Quilliam says Londoners are trapped in a toxic cycle of using sex as an entryway to affection. And in a multicultural City it’s likely expectations don’t match up. This means disappointing and short relationships.
“You can go out tomorrow and have as much sex as you want, and this creates a sense of boredom. You can work your way through an awful amount of partners which creates more capacity for bad experiences.”
The grass is always greener (or less green when the morning rolls around). Repeated ‘hangxiety’ after an unfulfilling sexual experience is leading Londoners to avoid sex altogether.
The cost of sex
Money plays a part, especially for young people. There’s a ‘cost of shagging crisis’. Young Londoners are living at home which hinders their sex life and don’t have the cash to spend on dates.
“We don’t all have infinite amounts of money. I would rather spend it on going out with my friends.”
A couple after a disappointing experience
Dating apps: useful or cringe?
Men and women view sexual opportunity differently across the capital. To test this, City News asked 50 Londoners. 59%, mostly men, said it wasn’t hard to have sex in London.
Women think the traditional way of meeting someone is dying, but are hesitant to use dating apps. They view the apps as unsafe or ‘cringe’ and admitted their standards rise as they get older financially, emotionally and socially. Susan says this search for perfection or ‘the one’ within such a huge dating pool creates disappointment.
A 24 year-old woman said “I would go out every ‘thirsty’ Thursday. It’s not young, fun and vibrant, the way everyone describes it. The only people that would approach me and my mates is older people.”
She added “The people that I find on those apps are not my cup of tea. They are so cringe. I think in terms of dating meeting a person is what makes you have an attraction.”
Man scrolling on dating app Tinder
Similarly, a 22 year-old woman told City News it makes her feel “sick” to be judged purely on her appearance. She does not use dating apps.
A male Londoner in his twenties says that men who approach women in the traditional way are a “dying breed”.
“Obviously there’s a risk you could get rejected. And I think this is the biggest fear for men. No one likes losing.”
The men polled are happier using dating apps and say the apps play a successful part in their sex lives.
Many men use a dating app called Feeld, on which users list their sexual preferences and kinks. “People are bored now of Tinder and Hinge. Once in a blue moon I’ll put that I literally want sex, other times friends with benefits.”
A man in his mid twenties said “It’s very much about being transparent and I think people in London are transparent.”
Borough to Borough difference
One young male living in Clapham thinks the capital isn’t just one dating scene and that it changes borough to borough.
“I think Clapham’s like a weird little microclimate of dating and having sex, because its got massive nightlife. You’ve got nightlife pretty much every night of the week.”
Night out in London
He added that often these one night stands never lead to anything more. “Saying that, if you have a big, messy night out and go back with someone you’re probably not going to follow up the next day.”
